guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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