I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
