Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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