She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
that is very illegal...i love you.
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