Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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