My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
