Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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