WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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