i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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