how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
