Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
