In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let's get the cat blown out
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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