And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
