I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
