it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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