youre lurking in front of me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
