i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
