sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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