somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
