all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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