you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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