Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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