you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
