Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
