Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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