He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
