So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize