It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
