not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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