I wanna passion pit in your ass
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
