my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have already put on my inside pants.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
