this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
