My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
