Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
