Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
