who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize