I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Text me some of your sweat
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