i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just had sex bonerless
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
