ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
