Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
