1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
