Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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