I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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