The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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