I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize