I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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