Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
