OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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