I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
