I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
