Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
