i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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