Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
