His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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