Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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