Cold hands, warm shart.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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