I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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