Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
