if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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