Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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