i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We had to coat check the pizza.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
