Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
