Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
