why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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