you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
