so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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