Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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